‘Giant Meteor for President’ in Virtual Three-way Tie With Trump and Hillary Among Independent Voters

Giant MeteorIn what has become a presidential race based almost solely on scorn for the candidates, the establishment, fraud at the polls — and, hell, the entirely stale and wholly rigged electoral process — it’s clear no one will win in the traditional meaning of the word.

While third party candidates have experienced growing success in the dearth of acceptable duopoly offerings, a dark horse has emerged.

According to Public Policy Polling, ‘Giant Meteor for President’ now ranks as a serious contender — garnering “far more support than the third party candidates actually on the ballot.” No, this most certainly is not the Onion.

“[W]e find that the Meteor would poll at 13% … with Clinton at 43% and Trump at 38%,” with the Libertarian Party’s Gary Johnson the favorite among just 5 percent and Green Party candidate Dr. Jill Stein winning just 2 percent of votes.

Yes, seriously.

In fact, the PPP notes, “The Meteor is particularly appealing to independent voters, functionally in a three way tie at 27% to 35% for Clinton and 31% for Trump.”

A previous, albeit fictitious candidate who found enormous success at the polls, Deez Nuts, managed only to garner a 9 percent support rating — making Giant Meteor officially the most popular non-Democrat/Republican duopoly ‘candidate’ in the running yet.

Both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump owe their so-called success almost solely to contempt for the other — with unfavorability in the latest poll running 54 and 58, respectively — as voters align behind either to prevent the former secretary of state or the demagogic billionaire from being the next leader of the no-longer Free World.

But the Meteor — whose wildly popular bumper sticker reads, “Giant Meteor 2016: Just end it already” — might be the most representative of voter disenfranchisement and frustration with the politics-as-usual and wall-building candidates the two negligibly different parties coughed up as presumptive nominees.

Meteor’s, well, meteoric rise in popularity isn’t difficult to understand, given the circumstances. After all, another poll today revealed a whopping 67 percent of Democratic voters would rather see President Obama stay in office for another term than endure a Hillary Clinton administration.

In addition to aversion to Clinton, Trump’s success could be attributed to the xenophobic vitriol and ‘fearanoid’ negativity common during similar periods of economic stratification that gave rise to such stunners as Adolf Hitler.

And while the Libertarian Party has made gains in popularity, grumblings among party diehards indicate a preference for candidates other than Johnson.

Perhaps Giant Meteor’s astronomical rise in the polls could be easily brushed off with a laugh — or maybe, just maybe, the idea that a heavenly body careening to Earth to kill us all having more appeal than actual candidates for president of the United States proves the people know the jig is up.

Maybe now — in a year pockmarked by political turmoil, typically ruinous scandal, and blatantly fraudulent electoral dealings — the people will slam down their collective foot to say they’ve finally had enough of the ‘lesser of two evils’ bullshit so ingrained in the American electoral mindset.

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